1. Stop comparing yourself to others.
2. Learn from your failures.
3. Give others the opportunities to prove their expertise.

1. Stop Comparing Yourself

Paul’s Apostolic Mandate

2 Corinthians 10:12 “Of course, we wouldn’t dare to put ourselves in the same class or compare ourselves with those who rate themselves so highly. They compare themselves to one another and make up their own standards to measure themselves by, and then they judge themselves by their own standards. What self-delusion!”

Jeremiah 1:5 ““Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; Before you were born I sanctified you; I ordained you a prophet to the nations.”

1 Peter 4:10 “As each one has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.”

2. Learn from your failures

Failure – the fact of someone or something not succeeding – Cambridge Dictionary

Failure often involves sin. And sin must be confessed.

Confession of Sins

Proverbs 28:13 “He who covers his sins will not prosper, But whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.”

1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

2 Corinthians 5:21 “For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.”

3. Give others the opportunities to prove their expertise.

• Which of these do you consider yourself to be more of? An Idealist or a Realist
• Are you more likely to deny the existence of bad or to deny the existence of good?

Jesus said this in regard to reality…

John 16:33 “These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

Tribulation – G2347 = pressure, afflicted or affliction, anguish, burdened, persecution, trouble.

How a person handles “tribulation” is taught or modeled in their family of origin.

• What did you learn about failure and forgiveness in your family of origin?

Everything is Affected by Missing the Mark

Romans 3:23 – “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”

Sin – from the root word G264 = to miss the mark, to err, to sin:-for your faults, offend, trespass.

Teaching on Forbearance

In my years of counseling and spiritually mentoring others I have found that this teaching has been neglected. It is the key to having healthy relationships and serves as a building block in our relationship structure. Dr. Janet Cook

Ephesians 4:1-3 “I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called, With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; Endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” (KJV)

G430 – Forbearance means “to bear with” or “to endure” or “to put up with” or “to suffer”.

Forbearing with One Another

Colossians 3:12-13 “Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; forbearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.”

• Dr Henry talked about the “judging gap”

God’s Forbearance

Romans 2:3-4 “And do you think this, O man, you who judge those practicing such things, and doing the same, that you will escape the judgment of God? Or do you despise the riches of His goodness, forbearance, and longsuffering, not knowing that the goodness of God leads you to repentance?”

Transformed Relationships

Romans 12:9-10 “Let the inner movement of your heart always be to love one another, and never play the role of an actor wearing a mask. Despise evil and embrace everything that is good and virtuous. Be devoted to tenderly loving your fellow believers as members of one family. Try to outdo yourselves in respect and honor of one another.” (TPT)

• Henry asked, according to Romans 12:9 “How are we to process both the good and bad in the world?”

Freedom from Condemnation for Those Who Are in Christ Jesus

Romans 8:1-2 “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.”

• Condemnation – G2632 = to judge against, sentence, condemn, to damn.

Dr. Cloud gives three steps to process pain:

1. Find a place of safety and acceptance.
2. Begin to open up and look inside.
3. Only then can the standard of the law become the guide.

Forgiveness is the Key to Freedom

Matthew 6:14-15 “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

• Forgiving those who have trespassed into your life releases you from the control of your abuser.

• What you own
• What you control
• What you are responsible for
• How you are free to use it

KJV Dictionary Definition: trespass

1. Literally, to pass beyond; to pass over the boundary line of another’s land; to enter unlawfully upon the land of another.
2. To commit any offense or to do any act that injures or annoys another; to violate any rule of rectitude to the injury of another.
3. In a moral sense, to transgress voluntarily any divine law or command; to violate any known rule of duty.
4. To intrude; to go too far; to put to inconvenience by demand or importunity; as, to trespass upon the time or patience of another.

TRES’PASSER, n. One who commits a trespass; one who enters upon another’s land or violates his rights.  A transgressor of the moral law; an offender; a sinner.

We Were Dead in Transgressions

Ephesians 2:4-5 “But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions —it is by grace you have been saved.” (NIV)

The Biblical Way to Address Boundary Busters

Matthew 18:15-17 “Moreover, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector

• “What you are doing is affecting me and I want you to take responsibility for that.”
• Set a limit with the person.
• The limit should contain the problem and hold them responsible for dealing with it themselves.

Dr Henry Cloud: “In every situation in the Bible that shows someone dealing with conflict, they had to have the faith to push through it. You can keep doing what you’re doing expecting different results or experience temporary pain to get to where you want to be.”

• Grace = Be loving and patient and forgiving
• Truth = “speak the truth in love” – that is not okay – your behavior or decisions are affecting me.

Proverbs 19:19 “Let angry people endure the backlash of their own anger; if you try to make it better, you’ll only make it worse.” (MSG)

“A hot-tempered person must pay the penalty; rescue them, and you will have to do it again.” (NIV)

Live Your Life on Purpose

2 Corinthians 9:7-8 “But this I say: He who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. So, let each one give as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity; for God loves a cheerful giver.

• Purpose = Chose for yourself
• In your heart = thoughts or feelings (mind)
• Grudgingly or of necessity = without feeling resentful or pressured or obligated

2 Corinthians 9:9 “And God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work.”

• Dr Henry asked: What are you funding? Future pain or life

Dr. Henry Recap: Dealing with Demands on Time and Energy

1. Saying no to dysfunction, non-performance, and divisiveness in your work.
2. Saying no to overextending your role so that others can fulfill their roles.
3. Saying no to overextending your time and energy and taking away from home and family.

Time to Sit at Jesus Feet

Luke 10:41-42 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.””

• Set a limit on work and personal activities and set at Jesus feet.
• Your relationship time with God and others will live forever.

• Grace is God’s unmerited favor towards him people. Grace is something we have not earned and do not deserve.
• Truth describes how things really are. Jesus said his word is truth.
• Dr Henry Cloud says: Truth is the skeleton life hangs upon; it adds shape to everything in the universe. God’s truth leads us to what is real, to what is accurate. Just as our DNA contains the form that our physical life will take, God’s truth contains the form that our soul and spirit should take. Cloud, Henry. Changes That Heal: The Four Shifts That Make Everything Better…And That Everyone Can Do . Zondervan. Kindle Edition.

 In the parable of the barren fig tree in Luke 13:6-9

 “A certain man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard, and he came seeking fruit on it and found none. Then he said to the keeper of his vineyard, ‘Look, for three years I have come seeking fruit on this fig tree and find none. Cut it down; why does it use up the ground?’ But he answered and said to him, ‘Sir, let it alone this year also, until I dig around it and fertilize it. And if it bears fruit, well. But if not, after that you can cut it down.’ ”

WHAT IS BONDING? Bonding is the ability to establish an emotional attachment to another person. It’s the ability to relate to another on the deepest level. When two people have a bond with each other, they share their deepest thoughts, dreams, and feelings with each other with no fear that they will be rejected by the other person. Cloud, Henry. Changes That Heal: The Four Shifts That Make Everything Better…And That Everyone Can Do . Zondervan. Kindle Edition.

According to Dr Cloud, our foundation as human beings should be bonding to others. Babies growing up without connection are malnourished physically, mentally, and emotionally.

The scripture emphasizes the importance of bonding:

Psalm 22:9 “But You are He who took Me out of the womb;

You made Me trust while on My mother’s breasts.”

• An infant learns to trust
• Love bonds are developed

Loving God and Loving Others

Matthew 22:36-40

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

• Everything in the law hinges on loving God and loving others.
• To become mature and responsible requires us to bond with others.